3 posts tagged “victim”

LAST DAY OF VICTIMIZATION (EXCERPT)

Gripping the Soul

A HORRIFIC MOVEMENT HAS TAKEN PLACE MAKING US AWARE WE ARE AN INDIVIDUAL AND WE HAVE A SOUL.  It is a taking that mars our total being.  It carries the vibrations of a wounded animal dying with no value.  Immediately when something is taken from us a death-like agony fills our emotions and feelings.  It makes us aware of a reality beyond the body and worldly environment.  We come to realize what we are made of.  That part of us silenced by external influences now becomes louder than our physical environment.  We feel like we’re bleeding yet in many cases there is no blood.  Something is oozing coming forth like puss from an infected wound.   We try to stuff everything back inside ourselves but whatever it is, we can’t see or touch it to control and direct it. It is like someone has literary pulled our hearts out of our chests and held it in their hands.  We see them with it but we can never get it back; yet we are alive and we have to go on although this huge part of us is gone.

It takes hold of our total mind and heart and festers into sweet sorrow because we have been robbed of our natural life flow to experience the moment uninhibited by evil forces.  Bitterness follows in most cases because that is what unjust pain becomes. The instant preparation of a private abyss formulates to pull us deeper into the darkness of our agony.

 My soul is weary of my life; I will leave my complaint upon myself; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.  Job 10:1

Doses of Reality

          As the time passed, I grew too weary to think about what happened to me; instead my interest was in what was it about me that gave my victimizers the signals I could be captured.   I went back to the nature of a child because children are the most sought after and innocent victims in the world today.  They have the potential to allow love to be given and received.  Children give us a chance to do the right thing for humanity. 

            Compared to a child, I found I as well as people I had talked to who had been victimized, all had a heart to do the right thing by people and life.  We tend to have a respect for God and our spirituality.  When I accepted this woman as a partner in fulfilling my dream, I was busy praying and hoping to be a blessing in her life because there was no pleasure for me being blessed alone. 

            Where I was thinking about prospering her life while we worked towards my goals, she was interested in her own progress at my expense.  She led me to believe the value of my dream was valuable to her as well.  There was not anything childlike about her presence.  Her presence in the world joined the other worldly conscious of greedy and selfish people.   

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: 1Peter 5:8

Looking back over my life, I can’t help but to think of the only father I ever knew. He was a man so loved by the women and his family. He was highly respected by everyone. He had a natural charm that would make you want to be around him especially when he would speak. His voice would make you want to listen to every word he spoke. With that voice, he had intelligence and wisdom. But when you looked in his eyes, they always seem to be fighting back tears.

Often times my father and I would take my sons and go to his favorite park and talk for hours about life. The things he shared with me gave me a deeper understanding of life and people. One thing he always told me: “Don’t ever let anybody into the sanctuary of your mind because that is how people take possession of you.” I never forgot those words as I faced the world and began to see the truth about the nature of humanity. He was so right in so many ways. I only wished I understood what broke his heart so early in life. He didn’t trust anybody outside his family.

I learned later on in time, he was molested by his uncle and his family was known for incest among themselves. Also, his trust in women went down the drain when his bride to be, a minister’s daughter had taken all of his money he sent home while he was fighting in the war in Korea. He told me himself, he would never trust women.

But he always told me he loved me and he would do anything for me. He found no wrong in molesting me as a child. In fact, he swore he could not help being in love with me. When I became a teenager, he approached me as a lover and I shook and cried so hard, he promised to never approach me again. That night just before midnight, my father was shot in the back and paralyzed from the waist down. Of course, I felt it was my fault. If I had not made him speak those words, maybe he would not have been paralyzed.

My father died about twenty years later as a paraplegic. Even on his death bed, he found no wrong in loving me the way he did. In my heart, I always felt he couldn’t help who he was; anybody for that matter, who distorted the true meaning of love. Though I wished I had a father who knew how to be a father and to teach me those things in life a father should teach through the eyes of God, I found what my father gave me was a heart, burden and urgency to assist in the healing of the broken hearted and the misguided victims in the world.

Most victimizers are victims themselves. God made it plain to me to love all His children and to not judge them for their lack of love and understanding of what is best. But instead, plant seeds that will eventually choke the weeds that vex the spirit of freedom. To this day, I love my father and wished he could have experienced the understanding of parenthood through the eyes of God. In his absence, I do the will of God.

For more information about molestation listen to my outspoken message revealing truths the world does not want us to face:   

  http://www.lindawattley.com/pb/wp_4e849fcd/wp_4e849fcd.html?0.07390512508393448  

Looking back over my life, I can’t help but to think of the only father I ever knew. He was a man so loved by the women and his family. He was highly respected by everyone. He had a natural charm that would make you want to be around him especially when he would speak. His voice would make you want to listen to every word he spoke. With that voice, he had intelligence and wisdom. But when you looked in his eyes, they always seem to be fighting back tears.

Often times my father and I would take my sons and go to his favorite park and talk for hours about life. The things he shared with me gave me a deeper understanding of life and people. One thing he always told me: “Don’t ever let anybody into the sanctuary of your mind because that is how people take possession of you.” I never forgot those words as I faced the world and began to see the truth about the nature of humanity. He was so right in so many ways. I only wished I understood what broke his heart so early in life. He didn’t trust anybody outside his family.

I learned later on in time, he was molested by his uncle and his family was known for incest among themselves. Also, his trust in women went down the drain when his bride to be, a minister’s daughter had taken all of his money he sent home while he was fighting in the war in Korea. He told me himself, he would never trust women.

But he always told me he loved me and he would do anything for me. He found no wrong in molesting me as a child. In fact, he swore he could not help being in love with me. When I became a teenager, he approached me as a lover and I shook and cried so hard, he promised to never approach me again. That night just before midnight, my father was shot in the back and paralyzed from the waist down. Of course, I felt it was my fault. If I had not made him speak those words, maybe he would not have been paralyzed.

My father died about twenty years later as a paraplegic. Even on his death bed, he found no wrong in loving me the way he did. In my heart, I always felt he couldn’t help who he was; anybody for that matter, who distorted the true meaning of love. Though I wished I had a father who knew how to be a father and to teach me those things in life a father should teach through the eyes of God, I found what my father gave me was a heart, burden and urgency to assist in the healing of the broken hearted and the misguided victims in the world.

Most victimizers are victims themselves. God made it plain to me to love all His children and to not judge them for their lack of love and understanding of what is best. But instead, plant seeds that will eventually choke the weeds that vex the spirit of freedom. To this day, I love my father and wished he could have experienced the understanding of parenthood through the eyes of God. In his absence, I do the will of God.

For more information about molestation listen to my outspoken message revealing truths the world does not want us to face:   

  http://www.lindawattley.com/pb/wp_4e849fcd/wp_4e849fcd.html?0.07390512508393448